9 Reasons Why I Hate Thanksgiving.

Raise your hand if your Halloween decorations are still up. 🙋
Halloween is my favorite because its borderline obligatory, purely for kids, and requires no family dinners or gifts and I like the decorations better too.

Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday for the following nine reasons.

1. It’s supposed to be about getting together with people you never see, but hey there’s a reason you never see them, and it’s usually because they’re dicks.

2. And even if you do want to use it as an excuse to kick it with your favorite friends and family you can’t because they have to pay tribute to their crusty ass in-laws.

3. On top of all the dread and fear and anxiety associated with extended family gatherings, there is a terrible amount of cooking and dishes. I’m sorry I don’t care how much I love my family, but I’m not spending 10 hours in the kitchen so that they can eat ungratefully for 6 minutes.

4. I’m not that into turkey or stuffing or any Thanksgiving food besides bread/mashed potatoes/ gravy.

5. I super resent the fact that half the family sits on their ass watching football or movies while the rest of us are chained to the oven and the kitchen sink. (Growing up I always chilled in the TV room with the menfolk because I reject gender norms.)

6. It’s not an inclusive holiday, and by that, I mean much of the country still has to work/serve/protect/ etc. Plus 1 in 5 kids don’t have enough to eat on a regular day not to mention Thanksgiving Day.

7. I don’t give a rats ass about the story of the Pilgrims, what I do care about are the First People’s (Native Americans) of this continent who continue to suffer needlessly at the hands of their suppressors.

8. I’m thankful every day for my family and our many blessings, and I don’t need to set aside a specific day that adheres to a particular set of rituals which hold no personal meaning for me.

9. It’s just food…okay? It’s not that big of a deal. It’s all going to get pooped out anyway.
All that being said, Thursday, November 23rd, 2017 I’ll be at home with the fam bam like I always am. We’re cooking a rump roast because I want to eat something that was breastfed because that’s my level right now.


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